Needing Space...

I can understand how everyone might feel the need to take some space right now - I feel it too.  Prior to the COVID19 pandemic, I was officially working part time. My teaching job had me on campus about 6 hours a week and another 6 hours was spent facilitating groups.  Sure, I had planning and emails, marketing and conferences, and lots of behind the scenes work - but I had space.  Space from people. Space from noise. Space.  I had gotten into a rhythm of walking alone a couple times per week, but even if I didn't walk at all I knew I could. To be fair, my kids are all old enough that I can sneak away for bits of time now, however, at this point, I'm not going anywhere. So, I'm thinking of the years when my kids were little and needed me ALL the time.  I'm remembering all those days I was exhausted and needed space - realizing that I feel that way now too.  I'm working 6+ hours a day right now (more if I'm being honest) while supporting my kids as learners and trying to maintain a home (meals, laundry, etc) for a family of 5.

How do we get space when there's a stay at home order in place?

I'll share a few things that have worked for me.

ART PLAY
On days when we knew school would be cancelled due to snow or there was a hurricane leaving the school without power and closed, I would often set up an art activity after the kids went to bed. In the morning, they'd wake up so excited.  When the proper materials are available, inspiration is more accessible.  Maybe you want to make a bunny out of toilet paper rolls - create one and leave all the supplies on a table for you child(ren) to do the same.  Or dig out an old coloring book and markers that work.  (Yeah, it's a good time to throw out the dry markers - they steal joy from art!) Or, if your kids are a bit older, find an online tutorial for them to follow along.  Art can entertain kids of all ages - grab a little space for yourself while they're creating (tell them you want it to be a surprise!).

FACETIME
Maybe your neighbor, or mom, or child's friend was a regular visitor who helped you find a few minutes to yourself....facetime them!  While grammy is on the call with your kid(s), sneak away for a bit.  Or, let them have a virtual playdate with some privacy (for your sake just as much as theirs). Perhaps your younger child can give their friend a tour of the house, introduce the pets, or maybe they get creative and dance together.  When my son was around ages 8-10, he and his friend would FaceTime and draw comics together.  Invite a relative to read a story to your younger child(ren). As someone else provides some entertainment and attention for your child, step back and take a little space.

LET THEM MAKE A MESS
When my son was a toddler, he loved to take out all the spices in my drawer and march them to the coffee table in the living room.  He'd stack them up and it would take lots of trips back and forth.  Who cares! Let them do what is fun for them.  That same child spent yesterday baking his first solo batch of cupcakes.  He had some questions, but it was completed all on his own.  My kitchen needed a good cleaning afterwards, but so what!  Let them dump out the blocks, get into the tupperware, draw on the wall (jk!), play with the spices, blow bubbles inside the house, take out the art supplies, create with play dough, bake in the kitchen....it's going to be ok!  Step back, mama and papa!  Let them explore and create!

GAMES
My two youngest have been playing games together daily. Every time they learn something new, they seem to binge on it. A while back it was chess - they played it ALL THE TIME. Right now, it's backgammon.  They just learned how to play, and they're obsessed.  While the kids are playing, Mama is taking time alone.  Find a game they can do on their own (solitaire, legos, puzzles...) or something they can do as siblings and steal some time for you!

BATH TIME
Bathtime can be so much fun.  My kiddos now take showers regularly, but my daughter enjoys a nice bath with epsom salts.  When the kids were young, bath time was a daily occurrence. Of course the young children need to be supervised, but when they could be independent in the tub, I'd use that time to straighten up their rooms and get things settled for the night.  If your kids can bathe solo, let that be a calming time for you too!

STORY TIME
I have always noted that when my home seemed chaotic, I could open a book and start reading aloud and my kids would take notice and end up beside me listening quietly. Kids love stories. There are LOTS of people reading to kids on the internet now - even Dolly Parton - but more consistent might be the option of Audio books and podcasts.  We used to have books that came with a CD in the back (lots of Usborne books like that!). My kids loved those songs and stories when they were younger!  We also had leapfrog books with a guided tool so they could "read" independently.  Now, I can suggest 30 minutes of quiet reading and we all can do it side by side, or taking some space.  Quiet moments are a gift - take those moments to calm yourself and find your center (stay off social media and away from the news).

BUILD
Over the years, my kids have built everything from train tracks and car ramps to marble runs and robots!  Make use of things in the recycle bin.  Take out a tool kit. Or just use your imagination!  Building is fun and a great use of brain power. Set up a building challenge (ie. who can build the tallest, most supportive...structure) - this can be done with even a deck of cards!  You have more resources at your disposal than you may realize. Let them build, and step back.

DAILY HELPER
How can your child be a helper? Maybe your toddler can take a bowl of soapy water and wash spots on the floor.  Maybe your child can dust or match the socks or vacuum.  If you can get your little one to help with chores, your big kids are more likely to be helpers too.  Most kids LIKE helping out. Chores seem fun; it's like the child(ren) gets to role play being an adult. Let them put away silverware or sweep the floor or fold the towels...and take some space.

SCAVENGER HUNT
Have them find 10 things that are blue or things beginning with the "P" sound. Let them be explorers and learn through play.  Older kids might be tasked with finding things they would like to pass on to a younger friend or cousin. Even though my kid are getting older, we still give clues for them to run around in search of their baskets for Easter and they love it!  Create a hunt in your yard for signs of spring. Have them collect sticks for a fire. Give them a sense of purpose and fun. While they explore in search, rest.

I just want to remind you that there are ways to get them engaged and "busy" where you don't need to be the center of the activity...and neither does the computer/tv.  OF COURSE, use screen time to take space - that is a given - a 30 minute show can be your 30 minute nap. But there are other ways to take space too.  It is hard being cooped up (especially when it's cool and rainy - although my daughter says rain is her favorite weather LOL) and we all need space. Take space. It's ok.  If an extra 20 minutes alone fuels a few hours of engagement, the trade off is well worth it for all of you.

Finally, my favorite way of taking space is to wake up before they do!  Some folks stay up late, but I'm exhausted at the end of the day.  I'm asleep by 10pm many nights and up at 5am.  The quiet mornings are delightful.  I sip my coffee, listen to the bird, and right now, I'm typing away.  Find the quiet times, take the space, and create some balance in this time of chaos.