Needing Space...

I can understand how everyone might feel the need to take some space right now - I feel it too.  Prior to the COVID19 pandemic, I was officially working part time. My teaching job had me on campus about 6 hours a week and another 6 hours was spent facilitating groups.  Sure, I had planning and emails, marketing and conferences, and lots of behind the scenes work - but I had space.  Space from people. Space from noise. Space.  I had gotten into a rhythm of walking alone a couple times per week, but even if I didn't walk at all I knew I could. To be fair, my kids are all old enough that I can sneak away for bits of time now, however, at this point, I'm not going anywhere. So, I'm thinking of the years when my kids were little and needed me ALL the time.  I'm remembering all those days I was exhausted and needed space - realizing that I feel that way now too.  I'm working 6+ hours a day right now (more if I'm being honest) while supporting my kids as learners and trying to maintain a home (meals, laundry, etc) for a family of 5.

How do we get space when there's a stay at home order in place?

I'll share a few things that have worked for me.

ART PLAY
On days when we knew school would be cancelled due to snow or there was a hurricane leaving the school without power and closed, I would often set up an art activity after the kids went to bed. In the morning, they'd wake up so excited.  When the proper materials are available, inspiration is more accessible.  Maybe you want to make a bunny out of toilet paper rolls - create one and leave all the supplies on a table for you child(ren) to do the same.  Or dig out an old coloring book and markers that work.  (Yeah, it's a good time to throw out the dry markers - they steal joy from art!) Or, if your kids are a bit older, find an online tutorial for them to follow along.  Art can entertain kids of all ages - grab a little space for yourself while they're creating (tell them you want it to be a surprise!).

FACETIME
Maybe your neighbor, or mom, or child's friend was a regular visitor who helped you find a few minutes to yourself....facetime them!  While grammy is on the call with your kid(s), sneak away for a bit.  Or, let them have a virtual playdate with some privacy (for your sake just as much as theirs). Perhaps your younger child can give their friend a tour of the house, introduce the pets, or maybe they get creative and dance together.  When my son was around ages 8-10, he and his friend would FaceTime and draw comics together.  Invite a relative to read a story to your younger child(ren). As someone else provides some entertainment and attention for your child, step back and take a little space.

LET THEM MAKE A MESS
When my son was a toddler, he loved to take out all the spices in my drawer and march them to the coffee table in the living room.  He'd stack them up and it would take lots of trips back and forth.  Who cares! Let them do what is fun for them.  That same child spent yesterday baking his first solo batch of cupcakes.  He had some questions, but it was completed all on his own.  My kitchen needed a good cleaning afterwards, but so what!  Let them dump out the blocks, get into the tupperware, draw on the wall (jk!), play with the spices, blow bubbles inside the house, take out the art supplies, create with play dough, bake in the kitchen....it's going to be ok!  Step back, mama and papa!  Let them explore and create!

GAMES
My two youngest have been playing games together daily. Every time they learn something new, they seem to binge on it. A while back it was chess - they played it ALL THE TIME. Right now, it's backgammon.  They just learned how to play, and they're obsessed.  While the kids are playing, Mama is taking time alone.  Find a game they can do on their own (solitaire, legos, puzzles...) or something they can do as siblings and steal some time for you!

BATH TIME
Bathtime can be so much fun.  My kiddos now take showers regularly, but my daughter enjoys a nice bath with epsom salts.  When the kids were young, bath time was a daily occurrence. Of course the young children need to be supervised, but when they could be independent in the tub, I'd use that time to straighten up their rooms and get things settled for the night.  If your kids can bathe solo, let that be a calming time for you too!

STORY TIME
I have always noted that when my home seemed chaotic, I could open a book and start reading aloud and my kids would take notice and end up beside me listening quietly. Kids love stories. There are LOTS of people reading to kids on the internet now - even Dolly Parton - but more consistent might be the option of Audio books and podcasts.  We used to have books that came with a CD in the back (lots of Usborne books like that!). My kids loved those songs and stories when they were younger!  We also had leapfrog books with a guided tool so they could "read" independently.  Now, I can suggest 30 minutes of quiet reading and we all can do it side by side, or taking some space.  Quiet moments are a gift - take those moments to calm yourself and find your center (stay off social media and away from the news).

BUILD
Over the years, my kids have built everything from train tracks and car ramps to marble runs and robots!  Make use of things in the recycle bin.  Take out a tool kit. Or just use your imagination!  Building is fun and a great use of brain power. Set up a building challenge (ie. who can build the tallest, most supportive...structure) - this can be done with even a deck of cards!  You have more resources at your disposal than you may realize. Let them build, and step back.

DAILY HELPER
How can your child be a helper? Maybe your toddler can take a bowl of soapy water and wash spots on the floor.  Maybe your child can dust or match the socks or vacuum.  If you can get your little one to help with chores, your big kids are more likely to be helpers too.  Most kids LIKE helping out. Chores seem fun; it's like the child(ren) gets to role play being an adult. Let them put away silverware or sweep the floor or fold the towels...and take some space.

SCAVENGER HUNT
Have them find 10 things that are blue or things beginning with the "P" sound. Let them be explorers and learn through play.  Older kids might be tasked with finding things they would like to pass on to a younger friend or cousin. Even though my kid are getting older, we still give clues for them to run around in search of their baskets for Easter and they love it!  Create a hunt in your yard for signs of spring. Have them collect sticks for a fire. Give them a sense of purpose and fun. While they explore in search, rest.

I just want to remind you that there are ways to get them engaged and "busy" where you don't need to be the center of the activity...and neither does the computer/tv.  OF COURSE, use screen time to take space - that is a given - a 30 minute show can be your 30 minute nap. But there are other ways to take space too.  It is hard being cooped up (especially when it's cool and rainy - although my daughter says rain is her favorite weather LOL) and we all need space. Take space. It's ok.  If an extra 20 minutes alone fuels a few hours of engagement, the trade off is well worth it for all of you.

Finally, my favorite way of taking space is to wake up before they do!  Some folks stay up late, but I'm exhausted at the end of the day.  I'm asleep by 10pm many nights and up at 5am.  The quiet mornings are delightful.  I sip my coffee, listen to the bird, and right now, I'm typing away.  Find the quiet times, take the space, and create some balance in this time of chaos.

Friday Friends

Hello friends,
It's been a long week (or two) and we continue to stay socially distant as well as moving along the path of virtual learning.  I have to say, it's getting easier. I have noticed a huge reduction in my anxiety (which honestly had taken over for a week or so) and my kids have been wonderful (most of the time.  Here are a few peaks into how we spent down time this week:








A little fairy village popped up!

The kids worked on puzzles, played games, and cooked meals for the family.  Melia learned how to use the hoverboard (it's apparently not just an outside thing LOL) and Dean was a big help to her.

We spent a lot of time outside - sometimes with school work, sometimes reading, but mostly walking, hiking, or riding bikes. The biggest change I've noticed is how calm and kind my kids are.  Maybe it's because we're not rushing around, maybe it's all the time we're spending together since we can't see anyone else, but all I know is I LOVE IT.  The cooperation is amazing!  We are working hard on the virtual learning path 8:30am-2:30pm, but the rest of the time we're enjoying each other.  I'm looking forward to the weekend in hopes that we can spend MORE time outside, but I'm grateful that we've created some normalcy among this choas.  Kids thrive on routine - so we've kept bedtimes relatively the same and we're up by 7:30am.  This all feel healthy!  We're eating most of our meals together 💗 and everyone is really taking care of each other.  

I'm still well-aware that there is a terrible pandemic hurting thousands of people.  The US just placed number one in cases of coronavirus worldwide and it's still rising. All the stories, particularly those from NYC, are breaking my heart. I've been following a few friends who believe they have the virus, but due to limited tests and uncertainty of first hand confirmed exposure, they can not get tested.  I've been watching all the nurses and doctors sharing their experiences and insights.  I'm watching Governor Cuomo as he keeps us informed on the gravity of the situation in NY.  I also tune in to Governor Raimondo and Prez Trump (who is a total disaster!). Dr. Fauci is the only one I trust for the national briefings; and we he isn't on the panel we ALL start to worry. We need FACTS! To hear Trump suggest re-opening the country for business on Easter (it'd be beautiful) without ANY medical professionals showing support of this is SCARY AF!  It's also mind-blowing that he has turned this into a political parade for his re-election (PEOPLE ARE DYING!). He most obviously values money of people and the economy matters more than health.  It's a true tragedy.  Then Texas Lt. Governor suggested that older folks would sacrifice their lives for the economy for their children and grandchildren.  What the ****?!?! If we all just STAYED HOME, we wouldn't need the older folks to get sick and die.  We can rebuild the economy, but we can not bring back dead people.

So, I want to keep it real.  My family is having a special time together navigating social distancing and virtual learning, but the country is falling apart and our prez wants to re-open the economy and sacrifice folks like my mom and dad.  Bullshit. 

We are living in crazy times. I miss my parents; I miss my friends. I hate worrying that someone I love might get sick.  I'm not going IN to any stores anymore (there are delivery options!). I'm going to find all the silver linings and do what I can to keep my family and community safe.

Wishing you all some beautiful moments this weekend. But please: STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO DON'T SHARE A BATHROOM WITH YOU EVERY DAY!!  

Sending virtual hugs, 

Kristen

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn

 

When our brains perceive a threat, we go into a response mode. We typically respond in one of four ways: FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, AND FAWN. The graphics below share information on what these responses look like. Before reading the descriptions, think for a minute how you respond to fear or anxiety. There is a spectrum for each of these as well.  I'm going to describe each response mode as it has been seen since the outbreak of the coronavirus - or COVID-19.

As mentioned, there is a spectrum for these response. A FIGHT response might present as assertiveness and leadership as it has with the director of the Compass School.  Upon learning that we'd be social distancing, she immediately got to work planning a virtual path to learning. She invited teachers and families to jump on board; and she created an incredible virtual school within one week's time. Amazing! She was assertive, courageous, and acted as a very determined leader.  However, a fight response can also present as being a critic or bully.  We see that side of a fight response when we our president is asked a question and responds by telling reporters that they're stupid and their news is fake because he feels threatened. As noted, both leaders may respond in a fight approach, it can look very different.  

With COVID-19 mandates that people quarantine,  we've seen a rise in people getting outdoors and spending time in the woods. However, many scared people in flight mode have also run from NYC, where the outbreak is the highest, to escape feeling trapped in an infected city. As you can see, there is a healthy way to respond in flight, but there may also be avoidance, panic, and running away.

In a freeze response, we find people sitting on their couch or staying in bed perhaps watching tv all day. There is often little action taken. However, a freeze response might also involve going inward to find peace. Meditation and mindful practices offer peace and an opportunity to disconnect from the chaos.

The fourth response is fawn - which folks are usually less familiar with. This can present as wanting to help others perhaps by listening and loving or by taking steps to help others manage. I know I have found myself jumping into my part time job as a teacher with 100% gusto. I want to provide service to my family, my neighbors, and my community; and I'm aware that there can be a loss of self with this type of response. There may be too much people-pleasing, self criticism, and more of a focus on others than oneself.

With all of these responses, we want to find some balance. It can be helpful to recognize how you respond and then consider where you might be on the spectrum.

For parents with young children, this video might help them understand their response. It can be beneficial to understand your own responses so you can veer towards the healthier end of the spectrum. When we understand why we do what we do, life becomes a lot clearer.  I love this video on amygdala hyjacking. It explains how chemicals and hormones are released from our brains when danger is perceived. This is to keep us safe!  Thank you, brain. However, sometimes it considers something a threat that is not, it gets over-stimulated, or it causes more harm than help. We need balance. And while the threat of COVID-19 is real, I can say at this moment my family and myself are safe, socially distant from others, and self-quarantined...so the risk of US getting coronavirus seems pretty low.  When triggered into one of these response modes, I try to take a few breaths and see the big picture.  I'll admit that while I have been trying to find balance, I'm not always successful. And THAT'S OK. I'm working on it. I encourage you to reflect, identify triggers, and remember that sometimes your brain perceives a threat that isn't real. Be open to calling out your brain: HEY-THANKS FOR WORKING HARD TO KEEP ME SAFE.  I'M OK! Do what you need to do to feel safe, be gentle with yourself and others, and remember this too shall pass.

Free, you say?

Looking for something FREE and FUN?  Something that might even entertain your kiddos for a while so you can work a bit? Here are a couple of things we love over here.

DUOLINGO is an app for learning languages.  As a teacher, I have my students log on to increase their listening, speaking, and vocabulary skills. They love it.

Our Ocean State Libraries also has a free app called MANGO.  I'm not so experienced with it, but if you have a library card, you may want to check it out. The library card also gives you access to free books online and in audio! Libraries are amazing resources!  Of course, they're closed during this coronavirus pandemic, but if you already have a library card, you have access!  Audible is offering some free stories for kids right now too.  As an Amazon Prime member, you also get a free 30 day trial.  This would be a perfect time to take advantage of that!

PODCASTS are amazing too!  It's similar to listening to a book, but offers series and you might find some that are 15-20 minutes in length while others could be an hour or more.  Some of the favorite podcasts for my children have been Story Pirates (we even saw them live several years ago!  We are big fans!) and Sparkle Stories (for kids ages 3-12).  Story Pirates offers clever takes on kids stories which they perform live on stage and record. It's silly and fun.  Sparkle stories are wholesome, kindness-centered, feel-good stories that you can trust.  Podcasts are great for adults too!

PRODIGY is a math game which my kids have loved particularly in early elementary school years.  Last summer, my daughter and her friends got the premium subscription and could play along together!  They loved it.  I love that they're playing math games and having fun!

I could definitely share more things that we've enjoyed over the years, but I want to share tangible resources without overwhelming you.  If you're not familiar with those apps, start there!  Let me know what you think!!

Got a favorite free app/website not mentioned?  Share in comments!

Virtual Learning, Day 1

Yesterday we got the dining room ready to be our official virtual learning space. There is a bulletin board with the schedule posted, some art they created this week on the walls and hutch, some fruit for a quick snack, and all the tools to make learning remotely successful. Our director had a very quick response to the COVID-19 so after a crazy week of expanding on google class and such (trust me, it was much more than that), we were ready to launch! Teachers are LIVE with kids all day (myself included) and kids met with each other, in live classes, and one on one for support.
The plan is amazing, but still day 1 was...intense.

I'm super grateful that my daughter, who is age 10, is not only an independent learning, but she's also super helpful! Today we all took lunch 11:30-1, but somehow I found myself making calls, sending emails, and following up on things.  All on her own, she made me a tuna sandwich with some chips.  Amazing.  After the day of school, I had more calls and emails and Melia made dinner for the family. Tonight she made spaghetti with pesto and a spinach salad.  I'm so proud of her!

Virtual learning looks like this: screen time.  However, with the live google meets/hang outs, it feels more personal as though we were still a connected community.  That was lovely.

When I finally logged off for the day, I went straight to Melia for some play-time.  I am feeling super empathetic that she is not getting time for recess or playdates...no time with her best girl friends. So, today, I was the girl friend.
We played with the American Girl dolls together.

After dinner, we had some good cuddle time on the couch.  Reality is, we all need face to face time, hugs, play, fun, connection....real life stuff!  So, when the screen is off, we have to connect.  It's more important now than ever.  And truth is, we only have each other.

The boys did well working independently AND with friends. My high schooler and I set up home base at the kitchen table (so as to not interfere with their live class times).  I checked in on Dean and his friends when they were talking math. Even though math was my best subject in high school, twenty-five years ago, I find myself a bit lost sometimes with his 7th grade lessons. HA!  It's true.  So, I guess I'll be learning during this virtual learning too!

I think the biggest lesson today was: WE GOT THIS. No, it wasn't "easy" and yes, I'm super tired...but we did it! Day one has to be the hardest day...such a steep learning curve.  One of my kiddos woke up with tears feeling really worried and later in the day that same child was leading and supporting classmates with some work. Incredible!  It's so neat for me to see them in their class-persona too.  They are respectful and kind, and eager to learn.  While I hope we don't have to learn in our virtual classrooms for the rest of the year, I'm glad we can continue to move forward - even if/when it doesn't look exactly the same.

Balance will come in the days ahead. One day at a time. We'll learn how to juggle the balls, which ones to let go of, and where we need to modify for success.  Today, the kids showed me that they can handle this.  As the parents, we can too.  Meanwhile, give some tasks to your kids. Keep expectations low fair. Stay calm; and when you're overwhelmed take some space for yourself.

A few things we can do for ourselves during this pandemic include showering daily (show up!), exercise (release anxious energy), play (connect with people you love), and meditate (give your monkey brain some down time).  I'm also trying to get good rest, eat well, and sleep enough so that my immune system stays strong.  While I'm not feeling really worried about the coronavirus right now because I'm practicing social distancing and staying home, I want to be in the best condition I can be should I too become infected. It seems like a real possibility since many folks are still not taking it seriously and staying home.

I have to say, I'm thinking of the students and the parents every day...wondering if they have enough food, if they're managing their stress, if they feel supported. If anyone needs any distant-loving, leave me a message. I see you.  I care. We're definitely stronger together 💗

What day is it?

It's Saturday.  Although when there's a Pandemic, does the day even matter?!?  We've been socially isolated distant for a whole week now. One exciting thing is that we've been getting out as a family on hikes every day.  We visited Camp Varnum, Fisherville Brook, Ryan Park, and Trustom Pond this week. It feels good to get some vitamin D and fresh air; and story telling or listening to bird is really neat with your family.  You can learn more about other family-friendly hikes at Rhode Island Families in Nature.


Another exciting thing is that we're building a virtual learning path. Our director, Miss Brandee Lapisky, had a vision and became Command Center. All the Education Experts and supporting folks hopped on board and it's been quite a ride!  The model that is being built is also adoptable by other districts so take notice!  To learn more, you can subscribe to A Note From Miss Brandee. That'll keep you in the loop, but you'd appreciate the archived notes as well. I'll share a few graphics so you get a sense of where we are going....

It's exciting to be part of a team that is moving leaps and bounds ahead of most other schools.  It helps that we are a smaller district of 120 students, but this model can be applied and adapted by other districts. If you want to learn more, send me an email.

This may have been one of the longest weeks of my life. I hope the Pandemic is gentle on all of you, my dear friends. Wishing you peace. Sleep well.  I'll keep you posted on our virtual school. 😊

Friday Friends

Dear friends,
It's Friday. I was thinking "Friday Friends" would be a neat way to connect as the week nears the end and check in on how we're doing and how you're doing.  How are you, friends?

It's been one week since we last saw any friends; we've been socially distancing from everyone and my family has self-quarantined. Due to the coronavirus, my parents drove home from Florida, but I haven't even seen them yet as I am a rule-follower who wants to keep everyone safe. (Oh, how I want to hug my mama!)  One thing that has been keeping my family sane during this Pandemic has been our time in nature.  Every day I grab my three kiddos and we head out for some fresh air, exercise, and nature.  Today was no exception.  We chose to stay close to home because it looked like it could rain any minute and went to Ryan Park around 1:30pm.  I've been enjoying the walks and talks with the kids as we process our "new normal."  The time in nature gives us a break from the information overload coming at us; and we begin to feel like regular people just getting outside: the old normal.


It's a bit grey today, but I always find the trails and the water to be so beautiful.  I love hearing the waterfall and we listened for birds and animals along the walk.  Early signs of spring have made their appearance! We love mindful walking in the peaceful woods of Ryan Park.


Towards the middle of the hike, we found this decorated tree.  What a pleasant surprise that was! I wondered who came out to decorate this tree; and I felt so grateful.  To whomever pulled out their ornaments to surprise us nature walkers, thank you!  I'm always looking for beautiful things as they fill my heart.  This gesture of bringing joy to walking-folks was so kind; it certainly brought a smile to my face.

However, just a moment after we passed this lovely tree, we heard an announcement.  The kids had wandered ahead of me (I was taking solace in the quiet) when suddenly we heard, "You must evacuate the park!" coming from all the way across the water (see the photo above). The announcement traveled all that way to us on the other side as we were crossing the bridge and someone shouted loudly, "Evacuate immediately!" My kids looked back in terror; "Mommy, did you hear that?" and then they started running.  I had heard the men, but I had no idea the park was closed or that we shouldn't be walking in the woods.  Meanwhile, aside from us, I only saw two guys in kayaks and a fisherman.  That is ALL.  You'll find more people in some offices, the market, the pharmacy...but I digress. After running all the way out of the park, I finally caught up with my kids. We were all feeling like we did something terribly wrong, but I assured them I had no idea parks were closed.  We were startled and scared. We saw the kayakers pulling out their boats and asked them what was going on. One man told us the police had come and said the parks were closed.  We're not sure if it's just our town or what, but, feeling frightened and sad, we hopped back in our car. With all that anxious running, my adrenaline even higher (is that possible?), my heart was racing and I was nearly in tears. Ok, I was in tears a few moments after I got in my car and put on sunglasses so the kids wouldn't see.  THE PARKS ARE CLOSED. This leaves me feeling trapped, afraid, and even more isolated.

I never saw any signs of park closure (even on my way out), but if the police say it's true, it must be so. Governor Raimondo hasn't announced closures of outdoor spaces so it must be my town, but that message was not communicated with residents at all. So, PSA to folks in North Kingstown, don't go to the parks. It's super uncool to be yelled at from so far away and feel like you were not following the rules and need to go home.

So, where are we going to find peace without the parks?

Maybe I'll hang out in my backyard more. Maybe I'll keep rocking the meditation music and throw in some chirping bird sounds.  I told the kids we should make sure the bird feeder is full because we would LOVE some flying friends to come visit us.  In any case, please note that screen-distancing is as important as social-distancing for SANITY.  Take a break, get outside, but stay away from Ryan Park.

Sincerely, 
Kristen